There are two resources I really like for helping parents learn to manage child defiance and harmful behaviors. Love and Logic, by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D. (www.loveandlogic.com) and The Total Transformation from James and Janet Lehman (www.empoweringparents.com). Both approaches address establishing rewards and consequences, limiting verbal conflict, and setting firm and reasonable rules and limits. Both strategies also emphasize the benefits of helping youth learn to identify expectations, recognize possible consequences, and develop healthy independence and problem solving skills. These resources assist parents with picking appropriate battles, conserving energy, and maintaining appropriate authority in the home. I recommend these websites for all parents, whether or not they are in a crisis with their family.